Y’all, I love giving presents. Birthdays, Christmas, sursies — if I see something I think a friend, family member or even their dog may like, I buy it.
We stopped doing adult Christmas gifts a few years ago when my older brother and sister started having children and opted to do a “Dirty Santa” exchange with the grown-ups.
I buy things for everybody all year long and stash them away, inevitably forgetting during my Christmas shopping I already bought two puzzles and a dress and a wooden car over the summer. It just means I can donate those to children in need and give even more gifts. It’s a complete win-win for me.
My nieces will be thoroughly spoiled with a new backpack, lunch box, dresses to pass back and forth over the years and a few good books. None of them can read, so I’m safe to reveal my personal favorite gift of all: a unicorn-themed teether for baby K, who just turned 9 months old. My 4-year-old nephew knows his letters, so I ought to be careful revealing the contents of his craft kit.
Some of these were purchased in December. Some, like the plastic foods inside J’s ladybug backpack, were snagged over the summer on clearance. I see things they would love and accidentally buy them.
What can I say? I’m a giver.
So, in the spirit of giving gifts, I wanted to give a few things out here in my column. If I had unlimited funds and a genie hiding in a lamp, I would gladly give the following:
To Norm Cannada, a leash for his phone, glasses and keys so he’d quit forgetting them so often.
To Michelle Cannada, a day-long spa experience to relieve the stress from all the driving she does back and forth to the office when Norm forgets said items.
To the city of Walhalla, an extra Shop-Vac or two so you don’t have to splurge on that fancy water vacuum truck.
To the residents of Westminster and Seneca, rain barrels for collecting extra water like real pioneers when we can’t afford to shower for more than three minutes.
To the parents with Elves on Shelves, I’d give a mystery plague that requires elf quarantine for three days by mandate of Santa himself.
To the city of Westminster, roughly $538,000 along with a police officer or four and a lightning rod — just in case.
To county council, an emerald city of industry to go at the end of that yellow brick road you’re paving at the Golden Corner Commerce Park.
To online commenters, the gift of paper, pen and stamps so y’all can chat privately amongst yourselves instead of bickering over politics on our website.
To Hobby Lobby, plentiful and willing workers to open the store in Seneca as early as possible.
To Dabo Swinney and the Clemson Tigers, another victory over Alabama — though I doubt we need a genie for that.
To all The Journal’s readers, a wonderful, safe, warm and maybe slightly snowy Christmas.
Caitlin Herrington is sucker for Hallmark Christmas movies and will never not cry during said films. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.